Philadelphia Local

Jason Kelce Retires – Is CamSoda Next?

Jason Kelce retires from the NFL. What is next? Maybe CamSoda. Yikes. The NFL will not be the same without Jason Kelce. At the time of publishing, the Eagles Lineman has not made his retirement official, however there are reports that he told his team in the locker room after the playoff game on Monday night that he will not be back next year. Jason's presence in Philadelphia could be felt almost as soon as he arrived thirteen years ago. His entire career was played in the City of Brotherly Love. Eagles fans love him because he is a man of the people. No one wants to see him go, but it is tough to ask him to give any more than he already has. What is next for Jason Kelce? When it comes to a personality as big as Jason Kelce, it is easy to imagine him staying in the spotlight even if it is not on the football field. Jason could easily take on a career in broadcasting, whether it is from the press box, continuing his podcast New Heights with his brother Travis, or starting something completely different. I did not think, however, that something different would have him taking off his clothes. I received an email today from a representative from CamSoda. I'm not going to link that site in this article because ... ew ... but suffice to say it is a triple-X-rated website. According to the message, the Vice President of CamSoda, Daryn Parker, reached out to Jason offering him 12-million dollars for a 3-year contract. Clothing optional. While his language is colorful, it is safe for work. The Letter Dear Mr. Jason Kelce, Congratulations on your retirement. You’ve left an indelible mark on Philadelphia, and your next stop should be Canton. But before that, we can do some business together. Given your newfound freedom, I wanted to extend you an offer to join my site, CamSoda - the world’s leading adult entertainment webcam platform - and serve as a XXX cam model. So, I’m formally extending you up to $12 million for a 3-year contract to broadcast live from CamSoda every Sunday…clothing optional. So far, not so bad, right? 12-million-dollars to work once a week for three years? That's better than many of us will do in our lifetimes. Parker continues ... Our audience has gravitated to big, burly men over the years, and you would be a marquee addition to our star-studded lineup. I know you said on your podcast New Heights when discussing the art of snapping that if your knuckles don’t smell like some sweaty balls, you’re not doing it right. After your 13-year career, I would imagine it’s going to be weird without someone fondling your grundle every Sunday. Well at CamSoda, real men aren’t scared of the grundle. We have an assortment of toys you can use at your disposal if you feel so inclined. I know our audience would love for you to get down in that stance some more, this time for a different reason. Please consider my offer and get back to me at your earliest convenience. Big, burly men. Yes. Jason Kelce fits that description. But the knuckles comment grosses me out. And the image of Jason using toys ... I just can't. No. No. I cannot. So, Jason. I know you did not ask my opinion, but I cannot approve this venture. You are a dad who needs to make a good impression his kids. This is not it. And what would your mom say? I cannot imagine Donna would be in favor of - this - no matter how big the paycheck. Jason Kelce, your star will continue to shine, my friend. Keep your clothes on.  

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